Aztec – ancient language, now out of use except for the symbols on remote control buttons.
Churn-menu - unfamiliar menu on a new mobile (changing mobile operators is called 'churn').
Contention – the battle between different software programs for control of your computer. (Optimistic contention – the idea that you are in control of your computer.)
Digital Damage – poor mental health caused by over-exposure to electronics.
Ethermail – email that does not actually go to the recipient but ends up in a mysterious and unreachable destination known as the Ether.
Fat finger – common disorder of the hands when in contact with keyboards, causing two keys or the wrong key to be pressed.
Hash-memory – where computer settings are sent before they're forgotten. Origin: the short-term memory capabilities of regular hashish users.
Ghost connection – An internet connection that appears to be working, according to the computer, except that email and web pages can't actually be downloaded.
Kosa Njama – Swahili for error message. The term used for error message that appears to be in Swahili.
Manual labour – having to read the manual because the electronic item itself is entirely non- intuitive.
Monthetrain – mobile phone mantra (variations: Minthecar, Mintescos)
Nagbox – a persistent and annoying message box on a computer
Nerd – derogatory term for serious, focussed people, especially with electronics skills. Derived from students in the 1950s who rarely drank alcohol. 'Drunk' spelled backwards is 'knurd'.
One-bar phone – mobile on a poor network or with a poor aerial, perpetually showing one bar as its connection strength.
Passworded-out – inability to remember yet another password
Percussive Maintenance – a sharp blow applied to an electronic item in order to get it to work again.
Pinned-out – numeric version of passworded-out
Plug and Pay – external device or software with a premium rate phone support line
Recovery height – the distance an electronic item such as an MP3 player, mobile phone or remote control has to be dropped to get it to working again.
Rictus-mail – email full of smilies
Software: ware = product for sale: soft = not resilient, likely to give way under pressure
Soft setting – a computer setting that doesn't stick and inevitably changes back to the default.
Spam depression – miserable mood caused by realising how many morons are sending out unsolicited commercial shit. And even worse that other morons are responding to it, otherwise the senders wouldn't bother
Street spam – unsolicited approaches by people on the street, usually intent on getting you to sign up for charitable standing orders.
Stress-drain - the power loss suffered by your mobile battery when you're stressed and most need it
User-friendly - applied to electronics designed for easy use by humans (archaic term, no longer in use)
Upyoursgrade – (software) similar to an upgrade but actually makes things worse
Youth font – web site text so small that only young people can read it